Chapter 13 Interpersonal, Group, and Workplace Conflict

-Relationship and small group conflict occurs among people who are connected but who have    opposing goals that interfere with others’ desired goals. Conflict may occur face-to-face or on the  Internet, through e-mail, in newsgroup, and in other contexts.
- Conflict normally occurs when people are:
(a) interdependent, which mean that what one person does has an impact or an effect on the other person.
(b) Are mutually aware that their goals are incompatible, which mean that they have different goals.
(c) Perceive each other as interfering with the attainment of their own goals.

Online and Workplace Conflicts(1) Online conflict
Online conflict is sending commercial message to those who didn’t request them often creates conflict. For example, junk mail, this mail will slow down entire Internet system. Besides, spamming also often causes conflict. Spamming is sending someone unsolicited mail, by repeating sending the same email or posting the same message. Moreover, flaming is sending messages that personally attack another user.

(2) Workplace and Formal Group Conflicts
Disagreement in the workplace group present a specific set of issues. In this case, there are two types of conflicts which are procedural conflicts and people conflicts. Procedural conflicts are the disagreements over who is in charge, what the agenda or task of the group should be, and how the group should conduct its business. People conflicts occur when one member dominates the group, when several members battle for control or when some members refuse to participate. In those conflicts, normally is the leader’s responsibility to manage conflict.  The strategies including:
(a) Preserve the dignity and respect of all members
(b) Listen emphatically
(c) Seek out and emphasize common ground
(d) Value diversity and differences
 
 

Myths about ConflictIn many cases, the common problem many people have in dealing with conflict is that we may be operating on the basis of false assumptions about what conflict is ad what it means. It’s not much conflict that creates problems but the way in which we approach and deal with the conflicts. For example, some ways of approaching conflict can resolve the difficulties and also improve the relationship. In contrast, some way may hurt the relationship and thus the problem cannot be solved.  Therefore, it’s not about to create relationships or groups that free with conflicts but rather to learn appropriate and productive ways of managing conflict.

Principle of ConflictThere are some general principles:
(a) Conflict can center on content or relationship issues
Content conflict- centers on objects, events, and persons that are usually, but not always, external to the parties involved in the conflict.
Relationship conflict-  concerned not so much with external objects as with the relationships between individuals.

(b) Conflict can be negative or positive
Negative Aspects- conflicts involve unfair fighting methods and are focused largely on hurting the other person.
Positive Aspects- conflicts forces us to examine a problem and work toward a potential solution and the relationship may well emerge and become stronger than before.

(c) Conflict takes place in a context
Conflict takes place in a context that influences the way conflict and conflict resolution are carried out. Here includes the physical, socio-psychological, temporal context, and also cultural context.

(d) Conflicts Styles Have Consequences
The way we approach and engage conflict has consequences for the resolution of the conflict and also the relationship. There are five basics way :
(1) Competing (I win, You lose)- involves great concern for your own needs and desires and little for those of others.
(2) Avoiding ( I lose, You lose)- relatively unconcerned with their own or with their opponents’ needs or desires.
(3) Accommodating ( I lose, You win)- sacrifice our own needs for the needs of the other persons.
(4) Collaborating ( I win, You win)- address both our own and the other person’s needs.
(5) Compromising ( I win and lose, You win and lose)- concern for our own needs and some concern for the other’s needs.




Preliminaries to Conflict Management(a) Before the conflict
-try to fight in private and when all are ready to fight. We have a clear idea of what we want to fight about, and be specific.

(b) After the conflict
- assess what we’ve learned, keep the conflict in perspective, let go of negative of negative feelings, and increase positiveness.

(c) Influences on your choice of conflict strategies
-Factors influence the strategies we choose to manage our interpersonal conflicts. The factors are goals, emotional state, cognitive assessment, personality and communication competence, and also family history. It’s better to understand these factors because it may help us to select more appropriate and more effective strategies to manage conflict.

(d) The stages of Conflict management
(i) Define and analyze the problem
(ii) Establish criteria for evaluating solutions
(iii) Identify possible solutions
(iv) Evaluate solutions
(v) Select the best solution
(vi) Test the selected solution

Conflict management strategiesThe strategies including win-lose and win-win strategies, avoidance and active fighting, force and talk, blame and empathy, gunny sacking and present focus, manipulation and spontaneity, personal rejection and acceptance, fighting below and above the belt, face-detracting and face enhancing strategies, aggressiveness and argumentativeness. We can cultivate constructive argumentativeness, treat disagreements objectively and avoid attacking the other person, reaffirm the other’s sense of competence, avoid interrupting, stress equality and similarities, express interest in the other’s position, avoid presenting your arguments too emotionally, and also allow the other to save face.

Chapter 10: Small group communication

Chapter 10: Small group communication

The small groups and teams

-          Small group: It is forming groups and click is a natural part of life but small groups are formed out of a common purpose, interdependence, organization of rules, and self-perception as a group.

-          This is also characterized as a team.

-          An effective contain these qualities: - Specific purpose, Clearly defines roles, Goal directed, and Content focused.

-          Teams can be both in face-to-face or on the virtual world via video/audio interaction.

The small group stages

-          Arranged by themselves in circular or semicircular.

-          Share the information.

-          Leaders will try to keep members on track.

-          The panel group members are experts.

The small group formats

-          The symposium: each members delivers a prepared presentation much like a pub;lic speech.

-          Symposium leader introduce the speakers;, provides transitions from one speaker to another speaker and summarize the topic.

-          Forum leaders introduces the speaker and moderates the question and answer session.

Power in the small group

-          It is only natural that different individuals would bring a different role and passive/active role into the group.

-          Legitimate power: rules are appointed by the group leader.

-          Referent power: by agreement.

-          Reward power: by positive reinforcement.

-          Coercive power: by negative reinforcement.

-          Expert power: by establishing yourself as the expert in the context.

-          Information power: by establishing yourself as the person can communicate and inform the best.

The types of small groups

-          Small group are usually formed over a need to address certain issues that would be hard to solve alone.

-          Idea-generation: met for the first time to discuss over potential issues and solutions – knows as brainstorms.

-          Personal growth groups: aim to help members cope with particular difficulties such as drug addict, having an alcoholic parent.

-          The consciousness: aim to help people to cope with their problems society confronts them with.

-          Information sharing group: people form ideas and share information with others.

The problem solving group  

-          Group comes together to face or solve a certain issue or problem.

Stages of solving issues:

1) Define and analyze the problem

2)  Establish criteria for evaluating solutions

3) Identify possible solutions

4) Evaluate solutions

5) Select solutions

6) Test solutions – if failed, try again.

Chapter 9: Friends, Lovers, and Families Friendship

-          It is an interpersonal relationship between two persons that is mutually productive and characterized by mutual positive regard.

Friendship is an interpersonal relationship

-         The communication interactions must have taken place between the people.

-         It involves ‘personalistic focus’.

-         Friends react to each other as complete persons; as unique, genuine and irreplaceable.

Friendship must be mutually productive

-          Not to be destructive to either of the involved parties.

-          Once destruction enters into a relationship, it can no longer be characterized as friendship.

Friendship are characterized by mutual positive regard

-          Example, you like me and like you.

-          Liking people is essential if we are to call them friends.

-          Three major characteristics of friends are trust, emotional support and sharing of interest.

Friendship types

-         Not all friendship is same.

-         It is distinguishing among the three major types of friendship; friendship of reciprocity, receptively and association. 

Friendship of reciprocity

-          Is the ideal type which characterized by loyalty, self-sacrifice, mutual affection and generosity.

-          It is based on equality, each individuals shares equally in giving and receiving the benefits and rewards of the friendship.

Friendship of receptivity

-          There is an imbalance in giving and receiving; one person is the primary giver and the primary receiver.

-          It is a positive facto, because each person gains something from the relationship.

-          The different needs of both the person who receive and the person who gives may develop between a teacher and a student or between a doctor and a patience.

Friendship of association

-         Is a transitory one.

-         Described as a friendly relationship rather than a true friendship.

-         Often have with classmates, neighbours, or co-workers.

-         There is no great loyalty, no great trust, no great giving or receiving.

Why do we seek out friendship and close friendship?

Utility purpose: - to help you to achieve your specific goals and need.

Affirmation: - to help you to recognize your attributes.

Ego: - someone who behave in supportive and encouraging.

Stimulation: - introduces you to new ideas, help you to expand your worldview.

Security: - someone who does nothing to hurt you.

Friendship and communication

-          Friendship develops over time in stages.

-          From the initial contact stage to intimate relationship, the depth and breadth of communication increase.

-          You talk about issues that are closer and closer to your inner core.  

Casual friendship 

-         The second stage of friendship.

-         Dyadic consciousness takes place.

-         Doing things together.

Close and intimate relationship

-         The third stage of friendship.

-         Most intimate forms of togetherness.

Friendship and culture

-         Different cultures would bring about different meaning to friendship.

-         Collective society: the more friends, the better.

-         Individual society: the more friends i have the lesser chance of getting promotion in workplace.

-         High ambiguity: presence of friends is expected and welcomed.

-         Low ambiguity: why should i hang out with people that i don’t know.

Romantic relationship

-         Eros: erotic, sensual, desire and lust.

-         Ludus: excitement, fun, and entertainment.

-         Storage: peaceful and slow.

-         Pragma: practical and traditional.

-         Mania: extremist of opposites.

-         Agape: unconditional love

Families

-          Each family has their own uniqueness and characteristic, but they do normally follow a certain set of rules and criteria.

-          Such as, defined roles, recognition of responsibilities, shared history and future and shared living space.

Types of families

Traditional couples

-         The conventional form of a family – shared values, beliefs, tolerance for one another.

Independent couples

-          This family setting stresses individually as the main theme in the family and unfortunately this is how the modern family is today.

Separate couples

-          This family setting is not really a family but individuals in this family stay together for a common benefit

Family and communication

-          Equality: individual in families would often seek and equal terms of respect, understanding with one another and love.

-          Balanced split: have a balanced amount of responsibilities.

-          Unbalanced split: do not have balanced amount of responsibilities.

-          Monopoly: a person is the authority and a very traditional and conventional family setting.    

Chapter 8 Interpersonal Relationship stages and Theories

Interpersonal relationship have both advantages and disadvantages. Among the advantages are that these relationships stimulate us, help us learn about ourselves and generally enhance our self-esteem. Among the disadvantages are that they force us to expose our vulnerabilities, make great demands on our time, and often cause us to abandon other relationships.

Relationship Stages
The quality that makes a relationship interpersonal is interdependency, which is the actions of one person have an impact on the other person. There are six stages in relationship stages.
(a) Contact
(b) Involvement
(c) Intimacy
(d) Deterioration
(e) Repair
(f) Dissolution

(a) Contact
This stage is the initial stage that we see what the person looks like, hear what the person sounds like, or even smell the person. There is first perceptual contact. From this, we will get a physical picture of that person. After this perception, there is usually interactional contact. Here the interaction is superficial and impersonal, is the stage which we exchange basic information that needs to come before any t=intense involvement, it may also be nonverbal.

(b) Involvement
This stage is a sense of mutuality, of being connected and develops. We will try to learn more about the other person. Each person tries to find out how the other feels about the relationship.



(c) Intimacy
Intimacy is a feeling that we can be honest and open when talking about ourselves, that we can express thoughts and feelings we wouldn’t reveal in other relationship. In this stage, there is an interpersonal commitment, and perhaps a social bonding, in which the commitment is made public.

(d) DeteriorationRelationship deterioration is the stage that sees the weakening of bonds between the parties and represents the downside of the relationship progression. It may involve many reasons.



(e) RepairThe first phase of the relationship repair stage is intrapersonal repair, which you analyze what went wrong and consider ways of solving relational difficulties. If decide that the person want to repair their relationship, he or she may discuss this with their partner at the interpersonal repair level. They may talk about the problems in the relationship, the corrections they would want to see, and perhaps what would be willing to do and what would want the other person to do.






(f) DissolutionIf repair fails, the relationship may dissolve. This stage is the cutting of the bonds trying us together, no matter in friendship or romance. This will move first to interpersonal separation and later, to public or social separation.



Relationship Theories
(1) Attraction Theory
This theory hold that people form relationships on the basis of attraction. It depends on four factors:
(a) Similarity- How our mate would much like us, especially attitudinal.
(b) Proximity- Physical closeness.
(c) Reinforcement- attracted to people who give reward, which can range from a simple compliment to an expensive cruise.
(d) Physical attractiveness and personality-

(2) Relationship Rules Theory
This rules approach views relationships as held together by adherence to an agreed on set of rules. There are four types of relationship rules:
(a) Friendship rules
(b) Romantic rules
(c) Family rules
(d) Workplace rules

(3) Relationship Dialectics Theory
Relationship dialectics theory argues that people in a relationship experience dynamic tensions between pairs of opposing motives or desires. There are three pairs of opposites:
(a) The tension between closeness and openness: early stages relationship development
(b) The tension between autonomy and connection: relationship progresses
(c) Then tension between novelty ad predictability: relationship progresses

(4) Social Penetration Theory
This theory defines that not of why relationships develop but of what happens when they do develop. It also describes relationships in terms of topics that people talk about and their degree of “personalness”. In this theory, relationship involves breadth and depth. The breadth of a relationship has to do with the number of topics we and our partner talk about. The depth of the relationship involves the degree to which we penetrate the inner personality and the core of the other individual. However, when a relationship begins to deteriorate, the breadth and depth will reverse themselves, and this process called depenetration.

(5) Social exchange theory
Social exchange theory said that we develop relationships that will enable us to maximize our profits. The theory begins with the following equation:
* Profits = Rewards – Costs

-Rewards are anything that we would incur costs to obtain.
- Costs are things that we consider unpleasant or difficult.
-Profits is what results when the rewards exceed the costs.


(6) Equity Theory
This theory uses the ideas of social exchange, but goes a step farther and claims that we develop and maintain relationships in which the ratio of our rewards relative to our costs is approximately equal to our partner’s. An equitable relationship is simply one in which each party derives rewards that are proportional to their costs. In this theory we will develop, ne satisfied with , and maintain relationships that are equitable.

The Dark Side of Interpersonal Relationships The dark side of relationship included jealousy and violence.

(1) Jealousy
Jealousy is a feeling we have when we feel our relationship is in danger because of some reasons or competitor. There are three types of jealousy which are cognitive jealousy, emotional jealousy and behavioral jealousy.



(2) Violence
There is three types of violence in a relationship, which are physical abuse, verbal or emotional abuse and sexual abuse. We should deal with violence, and it is important to know that there is the potential for violence in all relationship.

Chapter 7 Interpersonal Communication : Conversation

Conversation is the essence of interpersonal communication.


The conversation process
- Conversation consists of five general stages: Opening, feed forward, business, feedback and closing.

Opening
The first step in conversation is the opening, which usually involves some kind of greeting. It can be either verbal or non verbal but are usually both.

Feedforward
In the second step of conversation, you usually give some kind of feedback in which you may seek to accomplish a variety of functions. One function is to open the channels of communication, usually with some phatic message. 

Business
Business is a good term for this stage, because it emphasizes that most conversations are directed at achieving some goal. 

Feedback
In feedback you reflect back on the conversation. Because each situation is unique, it's difficult to offer specific suggestions for making your feedback more effective. 

Closing
Just as the opening signals access, the closing signals the intention to end access. The closing usually also signals some degree of supportiveness, for example you express your pleasure in interacting. It may also summarize the interaction to offer more of a conclusion to the conversation. 

• Different cultures have different rules and customs in conversation as in all aspects of communication. 
• What is appropriate at a given step in one culture may not be appropriate in another culture. 
• Of course, not everyone speaks with the fluency and ease that many textbooks often assume. Speech and language disorders can seriously disrupt the conversation process if some elementary guidelines aren't followed.
• 

Principle of Conversation:

Principles of Turn-Taking

In everyday conversations, there is an active exchange of roles of between speakers and listeners- the exchanges of cues is called conversational turns (a form of metacommunication/gesture or non verbal communication). Both speaker and listener will perform and indicate different and various cues during a conversation process.

Speaker Cues

Turn-maintaining: Help you to maintain the speaker's role.

Turn Yielding: You tell the listener that you're finished and wish to exchange the role of speaker for that of listener.

Listener cues:

As a listener, you can regulate the conversation by using a variety of cues such as:-

Turn-requesting: Let the speaker know that you'd like to take a turn as speaker.

Turn-denying: Listener can deny the cues to take over as a speaker. 

Backchanneling cues: Used to communicate information back to the speaker without assuming role of the speaker.

Interruption cues: Attempts to talk over the role of the speaker. 

Principle of Dialogue

• Dialogue is a context where two person share messages to one another.
• Dialogue is indicates an interaction rather than just a conversation - the sender and receiver both actively seek to pursue a healthy and meaningful conversation.
  

Principle of Immediacy and Flexibility

• Effective communication and conversation requires both (or all) parties to take into consideration the relationship and intimacy of one another, as well as adjusting to the environment and the context.
• Immediacy: is the creation of closeness, between speaker and listener.

Everyday Conversations

Small talk

- Small talk is pervasive, all of us engage in small talk. Sometimes, we use small talk as a preface too big talk. Sometimes, small talk is a politeness strategy and a bit more extensive way of saying hello as you pass someone in the hallway or meet a neighbour of yours in the neighbourhood. 

- Sometimes your relationship with another person revolves totally around small talk. In these relationships, neither the person makes an effort to deepen the relationship or it remains on a small talk level.

- One obvious purpose is simply to pass the time more pleasantly than you might in silent. Small talk also demonstrate that the normal rules of politeness are operating. 

Excuses and apologies

- If you engage in conversation for any length of time, it's not unlikely that at some point you'll say the wrong thing. Then, because you can't erase the message, you may try to offer an explanation to account for what happened. The most common methods for doing so are the excuse and the apology, two closely related types of what we might call "conversational correctives". 

• Excuses are especially appropriate when you say or are accused of saying something that runs counter to what is expected, sanctioned, or considered 'right' by the people with whom you're in conversation. Ideally, you hope the excuse will lessen the negative impact of your message.
• The major motives for excuses making seem to be maintain your self esteem and to project a positive image of yourself to others. Excuses also may enable you to maintain effective interpersonal relationships after some negative behaviour.
• An apology is an expression of regret for something you did. In many cases the apology also includes a request for forgiveness and some assurance that the behaviour won't be repeated.

Complimenting

- A compliment is a message of praise, flattery, or congratulations. Its a way of relating to another person with positiveness and immediacy. Compliments can be unqualified or qualified. The unqualified compliment is a message that is purely positive. The qualified message is not entirely positive. 

- A 'backhanded compliment' is really not a compliment at all, its usually an insult masquerading as a compliment. 

- Compliments are sometimes difficult to give and even more difficult to respond without discomfort or embarrassment. 

Advice

- Most people like to give advice. Advising someone else about what they should  do might make you feel competent and authoritative. Advice is best viewed as a process of giving another person a suggestion for thinking or behaving, usually to effect a change. In many cases, it will take the form of suggestion to solve a problem. 

- Sometimes, the advice serves to encourage the person to stick with what they are currently thinking or doing.One of the most important types of advice is what we might call meta-advice, advice about advice.