Chapter 5: Verbal messages

CHAPTER 5 VERBAL MESSAGES

Through our basic understanding, verbal communication is a way of conveying information in a spoken rather than written manner or it is acommunication that uses words, either written or spoken.

"Verbal" is sometimes used conversationally in the sense of "spoken", but it is better to use "oral" in that context, to avoid uncertainty. Besides that, verbal messages are also to convey effectively to receiver for understanding or agreement.

PRINCIPLES OF VERBAL MESSAGES

1. Meanings Are in People

It’s in this sense that meanings are not in words, but in people. Consequently, to uncover meaning, you need to look into the people and merely into words.

BYPASSING – the miscommunication pattern which occurs when the sender and receiver miss each other with their meanings.

Basically, bypassing can be in two forms:
1. Different individuals communicating using different words, but has the same meaning.

Everyone on this planet has their own perspectives in the sense of almost everything,however, some individuals have the same perspective or thinking but they interpret it in a unique way.
Example 1:
Jack: I hate April fool’s day because I'm really gullible.
Jane: April fool’s day is never my day.

From this example given above, it meant that Jack and Jane doesn’t like April 1^st because somebody made fun of them and ruined their day.

Example 2:
6+3=9 so does 5+4 and 7+2.

Everything has a way to solve it, it is either you do it this way or the other then you end up having the same answer or goal.

2. Two individuals communicating using the same words, butdifferent meaning.

On the surface, it looks like two people agree on certain things, but if it is looked carefully; they may seem to have different meanings.
For example:
Mark: I don’t really believe in religion. (He meant that he doesn’t believe in God.)
Tim: Neither do I. (But he meant that he doesn’t believe in organized religions.)

2. Languages are Denotative and Connotative

Denotative
the word’s meaning taken from dictionaries.

Connotative
the word’s subjective or emotional meaning.

Snarl words: words used to describe people in a highly negative way. (Idiot, stupid, loser)
Purr words: words used to describe people in a highly positive way. (Sweetheart, honey)

These are pretty much what we are doing in our daily life, calling people names and stuffs.

Denotative	Connotative
Green ·         A colour between yellow and blue. ·         The colour of leaves, grass and plants.	Green ·         This is the colour of balance and harmony. From a colour psychology perspective, it is the great balancer of the heart and the emotions, creating equilibrium between the head and the heart. ·         The symbol of ecology and a verb.

3. Meanings Depend on Context/Abstraction

The same words or behaviours may have totally different meanings when they occur in different contexts. Similarly, the meaning given signal depends on the other behaviour it accompanies or is close to in time. In isolation from the context, it’s impossible to tell what meaning was intended by merely examining the signals. Of course, even if you know the context in detail, you still may not be able to identify the meaning of the message.

For example, pounding a fist on the table during a speech is support of a politician means something quite different from that same gesture in response to news of a friend’s death.

4. Messages Vary in Politeness

Politeness and Directness

·         Polite messages reflect positively on the other person and respect the other person’s right to be independent and autonomous.

·         Direct messages are usually lee polite compared to indirect messages.

For example:
Direct messages: This dish tasted awful!
Indirect messages: I would like to order another dish; this isn’t my cup of tea.

5. Messages Vary in Assertiveness

Assertive people tend to operate an ‘I win, you win” philosophy, they assume that both parties can gain something from an interaction, even from a confrontation. Assertive people are more positive and score lower on measures of hopelessness than do non-assertive people.

Communicating Assertiveness

1.       Describe the problem

2.       State how this problem affect you

3.       Propose solutions

4.       Confirm understanding

6. Messages can deceive

 An act of sending messages with an intention of giving people false information is called LYING.

4 types of Lying:

1.       Pro-social deception – to achieve some good

2.       Self-enhancement deception – to make yourself look good

3.       Selfish deception – to protect yourself

4.       Anti-social deception – to harm someone

Basically, this is the first half of Chapter 5, discussing about the principles of verbal messages/ communication. From all these principles we can learn that verbal messages vary in many ways, it could be positive and negative or satisfied and hurtful. So, we may have to watch our words and try to be an indirect person as we can.

The following topics we are about to discuss are the responses we make and a wide variety of offensive language practices by viewing them as types of disconfirmation – as language that alienates and separates.

Disconfirmation and Confirmation

Disconfirmation is a communication pattern in which we ignore someone’s presence as well as that person’s message. Moreover, this person and what this person has to say are not worth serious attention or effort that this person and his person’s contribution are unimportant or insignificant and that there is no reason to concern ourselves with her or him.
                Disconfirmation IS NOT the same as rejection. Rejection can be defined as you disagree with the person and you indicate your unwillingness to accept something the other person says or does.

Confirmation involves your acknowledging the presence of the other person, the person’s importance and your acceptance of this person.

Racism

Anything that makes race looks inferior to the other races.

This is one of the examples happened in Australia. Joseph, who looks like an Indian were being bullied in his neighbourhood.

These are just examples, there are still tons of these cases happening in multi-races country, for obvious example: Malaysia, USA, Australia, Indonesia, Thailand and so on.

Before these racism cases increase to an unimaginable level, we really need to stop it by avoiding it.

Steps:

1. Make friends that are different from your racial or ethnic background.
2. Promote diversity
3. Be friends with other non-racists.
4. If you get into an argument with someone of another race, don't use racial hatred.
5. Avoid interacting with members of other races through stereotypes perpetuated by the media.
6. If anyone close to you is a racist encourages them to think differently by letting them know that you don't approve of their opinions and hateful activities.

Heterosexism

Heterosexism is some sort of discrimination in favour of opposite-sex sexuality and relationships and it includes the obvious derogatory terms used for lesbian and gay men.

Here are some ways we should avoid heterosexism:

1. No hate speech. This includes use of derogatory words toward any one group. So: you can't go cursing out straight, gay, trans, Bi, etc. people. 
2. No flame wars. Do not just respond to attack another person's opinion. If you have an intelligent, constructive response, that follows the rules, and answers the question, you're welcome to mention the answer you're responding to. 
3. Avoid complimenting gay men and lesbians saying “What a waste!” is obviously not a compliment.
4.Avoid denying individual differences like “Gay men are so open with their feelings.”

Ageism

Ageism is stereotyping and discriminating against individuals or groups on the basis of their age.

Ageism can be avoided by:
1. Avoid talking down to or refreshing an older person’s memory.
2. Avoid implying that relationships is no longer important. They are still interested in relationships
3. Engage older people in conversation as you would wish to be engaged.

Sexism

Sexism or gender discrimination is prejudice or discrimination based on a person's sex or gender.

Sexism can be avoided by:

1.An employer should avoid making employment decisions on the basis of gender.
2.Both males and females should be given an equal opportunity to qualify for an open position provided the candidates have the same qualifications.
3. All employment policies should be applied in a gender-neutral manner.
4. Equal salary and benefits should be given to both men and women who demonstrate substantially equal skill, effort and responsibility under similar working conditions.

Using Verbal Messages Effectively

1. Messages can symbolize reality

Messages are often used to represent the things, and therefore, we must aware that messages do not just representing the reality BUT symbolizing it.

For example:

When one of your friends recommended you to try out one particular brand because of the fame, but not the quality(reality), you simply made a decision to buy it because you believed what they said (symbol).

2. Messages express both fact and inference

The messages we deliver often infused with our emotion, thoughts and feelings, therefore it can be misleading at times on the content of the message.

For example:

“I love sports” (Factual Statement)
“I dislike other activities besides sports” (Inferential Statement)

3. Messages can be relatively static

Terms and words we used are formed through our own perception and judgement, but how often we update our perception?

4. Messages can obscure distinction

Messages can be confusing and somehow misleading.

Indiscrimination

The failure to distinguish between similar but different people, objects or stereotyping.
Example: Linking every Muslim to be a terrorist in this world

Polarization

The tendency to look at the world in terms of opposites and then exaggerating it.
Example: Not allowing the possibility of middle ground.

In short, verbal messages are important to every mankind, it brings many advantages to mankind. However, some people tend to be different in the way that actually saddened people, like criticizing. But there are ways to overcome it and avoiding it. We need to put into practice, so that we can live in a better world!